What Would Die Hard Cost John McClane (and His Hospital) (This Year)

Every year, as the winter holiday season rolls around, the greatest debate of our time resurfaces – is Die Hard a Christmas movie?

We at Cleverley + Associates believe that the answer to this question may be beside the point. What’s important are the traditions we create for ourselves, especially around the holidays. What really matters is what brings us together and make us feel happy and fulfilled.

But also, yes. It’s a Christmas movie.

Plus, it’s a totally awesome action movie, which means injuries…a lot of injuries. That got us thinking – we assume that John McClane went to a hospital eventually, and considering what he’d gone through, what would his treatment cost him and the hospital?

Last year, we speculated wildly on Mr. McClane’s bill. Let’s see what would change this year! As we pointed out last year, we’re not doctors, we’re data nerds, so our diagnosis and treatments are only tangentially related to real life medical advice.

Our hero sustains his first injury (or probably injuries) as he falls down the stairs while fist fighting. There are a lot of injuries that can occur from both a fall and a fight, but since Mr. McClane goes on to punch several other people, we can rule out fractures, spinal injuries, and basically anything that would put in him in traction.

But we can’t rule out a concussion, or a subdural hematoma.

He’d probably get an MRI and CT scan (Let’s go ahead and do both, since he’s a hero.)

We’d also want to do an ImPACT test.

This year the hospital saved a whopping $11, while Mr. McClane will owe $917 more than last year.

Next up, the most famous injury, deep cuts to our hero’s feet, because he walked across broken glass.

Ow.

So, we’re talking lacerations to the feet.

We’re going to need a lot of antiseptic, bandages, and probably stiches. Also foreign body removal from the wounds.

Again, ow.

It looks like Mr. McClane saved $466 on his terrible and iconic podiatric injury! It cost our fantasy hospital $104 more.

Next up, poor McClane is shot in the shoulder! The following scenes, where he still manages to win in hand-to-hand combat with the villain, show that the bullet likely grazed him. Of course, we can’t rule out that the bullet is still there, or a shard of it. So, we’re going to have to explore the wound to make sure it’s clean, and probably take an x-ray to make sure we got all the bullet bits out.

This year that procedure looks cheaper for both John and the hospital! Mr. McClane will save a total of $1,553 while the procedure will be $402 cheaper for the hospital!

Lastly, in the grand finale, John McClane wraps a fire hose around himself and bungee jumps off the building. This is, generally speaking, a terrible idea. He then breaks through a window using his already battered body. Again, not a great idea.

This could, of course, cause a variety of injuries, but let’s go ahead and just assume the worst – a fracture of the vertebrae and ribs. There would probably also be internal damage as well, but considering he’s still walking around being witty, let’s assume he’s miraculously okay-ish.

These procedures will cost McClane $112 more than last year, and cost the hospital $28 more.

The end of the movie seems to suggest that McClane rides off into the sunrise with his wife, triumphant and filled with the Christmas spirit. I assume they didn’t go straight home with the hope that he would survive until morning. More likely they stopped at the ER to at least make sure he wasn’t bleeding internally.

So here’s everything all together! Overall, both John and the hospital saved money this year. John spent $970 less and the hospital saved a total of $281!

Happy Holidays everyone! Yippee-ki-yay!

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