What Would Die Hard Cost John McClane (and His Hospital)

Every year, as the winter holiday season rolls around, the greatest debate of our time resurfaces – is Die Hard a Christmas movie?

We at Cleverley + Associates believe that the answer to this question may be beside the point. What’s important are the traditions we make for ourselves, especially around the holidays, that bring us together and make us feel happy and fulfilled.

But also, yes. Yes, it’s a Christmas movie.

It’s also a totally awesome action movie, which means injuries…a lot of injuries. That got us thinking – we assume that John McClane went to a hospital eventually, and considering what he’d gone through, what would his treatment cost him and the hospital?

Now, we’re not doctors at Cleverley + Associates, so our diagnosis and treatments are probably only tangentially related to real life medical advice. Definitely don’t try any of this at home. That said, let’s speculate wildly!

Our hero’s first injury (or probably injuries) probably occur as he falls down the stairs while also engaged in a fist fight. There are a lot of injuries that can occur from both a fall and a fight, but since Mr. McClane goes on to punch several other people, we can rule out fractures, spinal injuries, and basically anything that would put in him in traction.

But we can’t rule out a concussion, or a subdural hematoma.

He’d probably get an MRI and CT scan (Let’s go ahead and do both, since he’s a hero.)

We’d also want to do an ImPACT test.

Next up, the most famous injury, deep lacerations to our hero’s feet, because he walked across glass.

Ow.

So we’re talking lacerations to the feet.

We’re going to need a lot of antiseptic, bandages, and probably stiches. Also foreign body removal from the wounds.

Again, ow.

Next up, poor McClane is straight up shot in the shoulder. The following scenes, where he still manages to win in hand-to-hand combat with the villain, show that the bullet probably grazed him. Of course, we can’t rule out that the bullet is still there, or a shard of it. So, we’re going to have to explore the wound to make sure it’s clean, and probably take an x-ray to make sure we got all the bullet bits out.

Lastly, in the grand finale, John McClane wraps a fire hose around himself and bungee jumps off the building. This is, generally speaking, a terrible idea. He then breaks through a window using his own body. Again, not usually a great idea.

This could, of course, cause a lot of injuries, but let’s go ahead and just assume the worst – a fracture of the vertebrae and ribs. There would probably also be internal damage as well, but considering he’s still walking around and making quips, let’s assume he’s miraculously okay-ish.

The end of the movie seems to suggest that McClane rides off into the sunrise with his wife, triumphant and filled with the Christmas spirit, but probably not. More likely they stopped at the ER to at least make sure he wasn’t bleeding internally.

So here’s everything all together! Happy Holidays everyone! Yippee-ki-yay!

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