What Would Die Hard Cost John McClane (and His Hospital) (This Year)
Die Hard Cost John McClane
Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? Obviously. Is it the greatest Christmas movie? Well, that’s up for debate. We’ll let your holiday dinner table take up that one.
But we at Cleverley + Associates can weigh in where we’re experts, which is hospital pricing data! Action movies, especially one as hard core as Die Hard, mean injuries and injuries mean hospitals. Sure, John McClane pulled away in style as the music swelled, but we assume his wife talked him into going to an ER to at least make sure he wasn’t still bleeding.
Our first injury is fist-fighting-while-falling-down-the-stairs. There are a lot of injuries that can occur from both a fall and a fight, but since Mr. McClane goes on to punch several other people, we can rule out fractures, spinal injuries, or any injury major enough to take McClane out of the fight.
He’d probably get an MRI and CT scan (Let’s go ahead and do both, since he’s a hero.)
We’d also want to do an ImPACT test.
Here’s what the prices looked like for the last few years. While an MRI will cost Mr. McClane more this year, he’ll save some money on the ImPACT test.
Next, our hero cuts his feet on broken glass. (OW! OW! OW!)
We’re going to need a lot of antiseptics, bandages, and probably stiches. Also, foreign body removal from the wounds.
It looks like, overall, it’s going to be cheaper this year! Good news! Flex those toes!
Next up, poor McClane is shot in the shoulder! The following scenes, where he still manages to win in hand-to-hand combat with the villain, show that the bullet likely grazed him. Of course, we can’t rule out that the bullet is still there, or a shard of it. So, we’re going to have to explore the wound to make sure it’s clean, and probably take an x-ray to make sure we got all the bullet bits out.
It’s going to be more expensive this year.
Lastly, in the grand finale, John McClane wraps a fire hose around himself and bungee jumps off the building. This is, generally speaking, a terrible idea. He then breaks through a window using his already battered body. Again, do not try this at home…or in an office building.
This could, of course, cause a variety of injuries, but let’s go ahead and just assume the worst – a fracture of the vertebrae and ribs. There would probably also be internal damage as well, but considering he’s still walking around being witty, let’s assume he’s miraculously okay-ish.
The end of the movie seems to suggest that McClane rides off into the sunrise with his wife, triumphant and filled with the Christmas spirit. I assume they didn’t go straight home with the hope that he would survive until morning. More likely they stopped at the ER to at least make sure he wasn’t on death’s doorstep.
Happy Holidays everyone! Yippee-ki-yay!
Would you like to know how well your hospital measures up if an action hero appears in your facility? We can help!